A Poetry Recital

(My dream journal dated 6 October 2004)

A poetry recital was to take place at the University, where poetry fans would have an opportunity to exchange their poems as well as the general audiences.

I had written a poem. I was very pleased with the poem I wrote. It was a one-page poem, not too long, and not too short. The reason I was extremely pleased and proud of it was that it was dedicated to my bother. When you poured your heart into writing something, you just knew that it was a great piece of work, regardless how others would judge.

Although it appeared I had plenty of time to write it and prepare for the recital, the night was fast approaching. I was getting ready for my recital in my dormitory. Although there were no rules that I needed to recite my poem without referring to notes, I wish I could. And because I did not feel I could do it, I was a bit panicking.

When it was my turn to present my poem, I was in the middle of the University hall where there were several thousands of people. I stood up and started my recital but it seemed I got stuck and had to clear my throat. I was a little nervous when I first heard my voice which seemed to echo in the big hall and I could not believe that I was speaking in front of such a big audience. But once I got myself into it, I forgot about the audience, the hall, and everything. All I could remember was my poem, and my emotions in it. The emotions were the same as the ones I had during the process of writing. I discovered that after all, I was able finish the recital without having to refer to my notes.

It was kind of strange as I didn’t think I could do it, without feeling nervous and without referring to my notes. Somehow I did it and it felt great. It was not as difficult and impossible as I had thought.

The Realiy of Dreams

Is our normal waking lives a dream? Is the real world so distorted in our eyes it is actually an illusion? Are we all part of this great illusion? Am I awake? Are you awake? Am I in a dream adding this post to this Blog???

Read the following Taoist tale, written well over two thousand years ago, which illustrates the paradoxical nature of dream and waking realities:

There was a man of Cheng who killed a deer and, fearing someone might find it, hid it in a ditch until he was ready to go home. But when he came back later he could not find the animal. He concluded he must have been dreaming.

A passer-by heard him muttering to himself about the affair and, acting upon what he heard, found the deer. When he returned home he told his wife: “Just now a woodcutter dreamed he had caught a deer, but did not know where it was. Now I have found it. His dream was a true one.”

“Isn’t it rather that you dreamed you saw a wood-cutter catch the deer? Since you have really got the deer, isn’t it your dream that was true?”

“All I know is that I have got it. What do I care which of us was dreaming?”

When the woodcutter got home he had a true dream of the place where he had hidden the deer, and of the man who found it. Next morning, guided by his dream, he confronted the man and then went to law to contest his right to the deer.

The Justice said: “If in the first place you really caught the deer, you are wrong to say that you were dreaming. If you really were dreaming, then you are wrong to say it actually happened. The other man contests your right to it. His wife says that he recognises it in his dream as another man’s deer, yet denies the existence of the man who caught it. All I know is that we have a deer, so I suggest you divide it between you.”

When reported to the Lord of Cheng, he commented: “Alas! Is the Justice dreaming he has divided someone’s deer?”

The Prime Minister was consulted, who said: “ It is beyond me to distinguish dreaming from non-dreaming. Only the Yellow Emperor or Confucius could have told you and they are dead. For the present we may as well trust the decision of the Justice.”

Being A Sumo

I am a Japanese female sumo. My opposition is a Japanese male sumo. Strange enough neither of us is fat. I have four disciples - four young men. They go wherever I go, and protect me if necessary.

I come across my opposition all the time. However, I always try to avoid him, as according to the ritual: whenever we come across each other, we must have a fight. Yet he is the No. 1 sumo of the time! It seems it’s always me who spot him first, whether it’s on the street or in a Tea House. In these occasions my disciples would automatically form some kind of ‘fortress’ to hide me from his view.

Twenty years later, I am finally ready and is not afraid of him any more. Not only have I trained myself well to be a First Class sumo, over the years my opposition has become complacent and lost his guard and ambition.

My disciples and I are on our way to a Japanese Tea House and we are walking along a labyrinth outside the Tea House where we come across my opposition. He doesn’t look half as good as before and certainly has some signs of aging. He looks old, saggy and lonely - a totally different person from twenty years ago when he was an arrogant yet competitive young sumo.

Dancing Class

There are about seven or eight of us girls. We are in a dancing class (ball room dancing). The classroom is not indoors. It’s outdoors on a long strip of concrete area divided by a bar. The long strip of concrete floor is somewhat sloping.

The tutor is a short man (I’d say he is no more than 170cm). He is a middle aged Asian man and has a flat face. He wears a navy blue jacket and cream pants. Since I stand closest to him, he asks me to dance with him to demonstrate and explain to the rest of the class about dancing.

With my high heels he is about the same height as me. Without him directing me what to do, I have found a perfect alignment with him already. I think he is slightly surprised that I naturally lean backwards like a professional dancer and let his arm on my waist control my whole body. And the dancing starts. It only takes a few steps for me to get used to him before we dance like a pair of tacit long-term dancing partners as we find the perfect rhythm and pace in each other. As we dance with the music, we find ourselves almost flying.

It feels wonderful. During dancing a sense of connection has emerged - it’s an attraction but it’s certainly not physical attraction or chemistry, nor lust or love. It’s more like a sense of fulfilment when someone brings a dormant talent out of you and it feels damn alive and sexy!

After the class we walk back together. The tutor asks me as to why he’s never seen me wear skirt before. He tells me that I look absolutely stunning in my skirt. I am wearing a tight, white mid-sleeve cotton T-shirt and a red tartan skirt. I think he is right! I think I look more feminie when I wear skirts than pants. While wearing jeans reveals my shape which I am proud of, it doesn’t give me the gentle touch like the skirts do. I start to imagine as to what kind of skirts would look good on me.

Ex-boyfriend

Talking about intimate relationships, there were two people that I loved heart and soul before I met hubby. One of them is Lewis. I met him during playing tennis and almost immediately we fell in love. I found him very attractive, sexy, playful and manly as he was sporty, rode a motorbike, and was a hi-fi fan like me.

Our relationship reached peak after peak. The whole time we were together I was in a state of ecstasy (I‘ve never had this degree of ecstasy in any other relationships). Then one day I found that he was still seeing his ex-girlfriend. I was devastated and deeply hurt. I knew that I had to leave him.

Last night for the first time in ten years Lewis came to my dream. Here is the dream:

He has just quit his job in the Municipal Sports Committee as one of his friends has offered him a job in the Municipal Museum and promised him heaps of opportunities and benefits. Although I can’t comprehend what these opportunities and benefits are considering the vast difference in the nature between the two jobs, I feel very happy for him. The job offers him $4,000 a month - although not too attractive on the surface, it comes with a house accommodation which to me is a reasonable package. While some of his friends don’t think this move is wise, I fully stand by him and encourage him to take it for a change. (According to my dream, at this stage I am somewhat his girlfriend but we are not exclusive or serious.)

I really want to see him have an uplift in life and be a success in his family. He is the youngest child in the family. His family is very unfortunate in that his sister and two brothers together with his mother have all passed away, leaving him and his father behind. I imagine his father would want to see him settle down, get married and start a family. (Please note that this is the story in my dream. I don't know anything about his family or siblings.)

Lewis, I and a couple (his friends) are have dinner in his place. His friends are teasing and joking about Lewis and me. I think they are kind of probing as to when we are going to tie the knot. Lewis is slightly embarrassed as he knows that we are not yet that serious in the relationship.

I stand up and grab him. I look at him in the eye and say to him: ‘Lewis, I want to be with you! I love you and I want us to be together!’ This happens suddenly and I am shocked by my response. However, I know that what I said was from the bottom of my heart. I have awakened suddenly, and realised that he is the true love of my life.

You Can Smell In A Dream!

In my dream I visited a former colleague of mine who is now running a business of his own. While I was in his business premise, I was a little surprised to discover that he seemed doing very well as he had about seven or eight stuff and they were very busy. (He only left my company a few weeks ago). I also saw a current colleague of mine who worked as his PA. (This colleague has actually resigned and tomorrow is her last day).

I was chatting with both of them outside their office. It was an open area with a wooden table and benches. It was a friendly and warm atmosphere and I felt we were building very strong rapport. As I was very close to him, suddenly I could smell the tinge of tobacco from him – the smell smokers usually carry with them although they are normally not aware of it. My admiration, our rapport, and my interest in him and his business suddenly took a U-turn….. all from that tinge of smell of tobacco. I hadn’t known that he was a smoker!

Britney Spears

My dream actually has three parts:

Part I: Britney

I work for Britney Spears (not sure what my role is). She’s just had her baby. She gives each of us (who work for her) some presents as a gesture of thanking us for our support. Everyone gets something different. I get a sealed plastic bag (not wrapped as a present). There is a tube of lotion in it. But when I open the bag I find four smaller tubes. They are a complete set of cosmetics including day lotion, evening lotion, eye cream, cleaning milk, and essence. They are obviously Japanese products as they all have Japanese labels.

Britney feels it’s about time to make a public appearance (an announcement) about her marriage after all the allegations and rumours about her marriage which were all untrue. She says that she is one of the luckiest wife in the world as Kevin is a very caring and loving person. She is proud to have such a perfect husband.

Part II: Baptism

A ceremony is held for me. It’s like a baptism but it’s less formal than that. The group who conducts the ceremony for me are Christians. Although strictly speaking I am not a Christian nor do I intend to be one, they want to conduct this ceremony for me just the same to accept me because they think I am just as faithful as a Christian in terms of how I conduct my life as my life attitude and philosophy is no different from theirs.


Part III: ex-boyfriend
It’s a dark yet crispy evening. My ex-boyfriend (my first love) asks me if I want to go out for a walk. I happily agree. He is very much in love with me. He holds my hands tight as we walk in a lovely and pleasant setting. The place is very idyllic and there are many stars in the sky. During our walk, he tells me that he is fed up with living a life busy making money while ignoring his real passion for life - acting. He says that he has decided to walk away from his prosperous career which offers no satisfaction and pursue acting.

Juggling Morning

These days I have not been keeping my dream journals up to date as I would have liked to. This is not because my dreams have stopped. I still wake up most mornings remembering my dreams vividly. However, to keep this hobby means other things have to give way as there are only so many hours in the morning. It is unrealistic to pack everything (pilates, running, writing, studying, meditation and love making) in in the precious couple of hours before I give myself to work.

Sometimes I wonder why life has to be so busy ...