Grandad
(This dream journal was recorded on 8 May 2005)
Grandad has just died.
He is lying in the bed. My uncle is standing at the far end of the room and mum is at the end of the bed near the door.
The door is open. I am standing outside. I have only allowed myself to have a very quick glance at Grandad from outside the door. I am a bit scared. I have never seen Grandad sick before, let alone death. I don’t want to leave a memory on whatever is there in that room. I treasure the memories of Grandad too much when he was alive and I don’t want to ruin it.
“Come on, Botzi!” Mum says to me.
“Your Grandad has been kind to you all his lifetime. I am sure he doesn’t want to frighten you even now he is dead.”
A fair comment indeed. I think I should face up this person who I loved so much. The fact that he is dead should not change anything.
Standing outside the door, I look inside. My heart is pumping fast and I feel a bit intense. Grandad lies there and looks as if he is just asleep. I allow myself to carefully examine his face. He looks gaunt and yellowish but other than that he looks quite calm and peaceful. Then something strange happens:
His face turns right (that is where the door is). As I walk in the room, his face follows my movement, as if he could sense my being there and wants a connection with me. Realising it’s definitely me (I presume), the muscle at the corner of his mouth pulls. Grandad is happy to see me and he gives me a smile! His eyes are still closed of course.
Mum was right! Grandad certainly is the kindest grandad in the world! I should’ve known this all along. I should’ve never doubted that a dead body there shouldn’t have made a difference to my feelings and memories to him.
posted by Passion @ 9:59 am
2 Comments:
(This was what happened after the dream on 8 May 2005)
I told this dream to hubby on the way to work this morning. He had some comments which I thought were very interesting.
He said that Grandad could be my guardian angel. It is a way Grandad assures me that everything's gonna be all right, if I have faith. Some times we are just too afraid to face the unknown or death. However, if we face it head on, we will discover that not only it is not frightening (although the face value could be that way initially), it is exactly what we want as it brings us the very connection we need.
That is a very valid point. I do not wish to tell you the details of our life at this stage right now. But one thing for sure is: there will be some major changes very soon. We will say good-bye to our comfort zone and embark on a narrow path where we will lose all the security and comfort that we are having now. In other words, we will have to face death - death to a comfortable lifestyle including our cosy place, well paid jobs and etc. We've just spent the whole weekend throwing stuff and sorting out things. There were lots of mixed feelings.
Well, if that were the message Grandad was trying to send: everything's gonna be alright - thanks, Grandad!
It's been three months since I had this dream. One thing for sure: I am blessed! What happened during these three months has been better than I could have ever hoped for. (Read my other journals and you'll understand why I am saying this). I would like to think that grandad is still taking good care of me.
Post a Comment
<< Home