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Dream Weaver

The book is now open! Welcome to my dream world where all my dark secrets and madness are revealed...

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Giving Birth

I am in labour.

There are two people in the deliver room helping me. One is a woman and one is a man. I hear them say: “Push! Push harder!”

It is a very slow process. Just before the baby comes out, they tell me that the baby has already died - died of lack of oxygen. I am a little suspicious as to what I am told. But when the baby comes out, he is alive!

It is a tiny baby boy.



I am proud and glad that I’ve now got a boy. It seems God knows my wishes. (In reality, however, I’ve always liked girls). One day when I pick the baby up from our bed, he slips out of my hand and falls to the bed. I have an instant fright and blame myself for using only one hand to pick him up. However he appears fine. My logic tells me that he is too light to suffer any internal injuries. On the other hand, I am not sure how fragile or strong a baby is to endure such an accident. Still learning as a new mother, aren’t I?

Some time has passed. I am more and more worried. I start to think if I should take the baby to the hospital to have a X-ray to check if he suffered any injuries from that fall. Having him checked would give me the peace of mind. On the other hand, I am a little worried that the doctor might suspect that I did it on purpose. They may lay a charge against me for trying to kill my baby and I’ll be dragged into a long proceeding to defend that I am just a new mother who accidentally makes mistakes.

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